I've Seen Glory (But It Wasn't Enough)
by lipstickdisaster
Summary: When Sharpay runs into Troy in New York, she discovers she hasn't changed as much as she thought she did. Post-SFA.
1. One

**A/N: I've already posted this to AO3 and I've seriously considered not cross-posting it to here for several reasons, but I've also figured… why not?**

 **Either way, I can't believe I'm posting this at all.**

 **I'm really nervous about publishing this fic, because I've been playing around with this idea for literally** _ **years**_ **and rewrote this about three times and while I'm extremely proud of how it turned out, I'm terrified to actually finally share it with the world.**

 **Also, full disclosure: I'm actually not a Troypay shipper at all. However, I do find their dynamic extremely intriguing and am convinced they would be great friends if they got past their issues, so that's why I wrote a 10,000ish word fic exploring their relationship. I hope I've done the dynamic and the characters justice.**

 **Please enjoy, and leave a comment, it makes me happy! And follow me on Tumblr at gabriellabolton (my main blog) and bisexualsharpay (my HSM sideblog)!**

 **P.S. The title is (adapted) from Gabrielle Aplin's** _ **How Do You Feel Today?**_

* * *

"One espresso to go, please."

Her body froze as the husky voice entered his ears. She knew that voice. She knew it all too well.

She always knew she would run into him one day. She had expected that it would be at their ten-year reunion. She would be an accomplished Broadway star and he would be impressed by and intrigued with her in the way he never was in high school. She didn't think it would happen sooner and she definitely didn't expect to hear his voice in her favourite cafe on a wintery day in New York City.

In a panicky haze, she reached over the table to pick a blueberry from Peyton's muffin and quickly grabbed the menu that was laying on the table to position it so it hid her face.

"What the hell, Shar?"

"I thought I just saw a fan and I can't be bothered today," Sharpay explained quickly, peeking over the menu cautiously, "Is it so wrong that I just want to spend my day off with my boyfriend?"

The look on Peyton's face told her that he didn't believe a word she said. After all, she loved the attention of her fans and would dump Peyton for them in the middle of Times Square on a good day (this had definitely happened before and it had led to a huge fight and fantastic make-up sex). However, Peyton let it slide and for that she was grateful.

As Peyton continued to pick at his muffin, she held her breath as her eyes followed the tall frame of the person she was avoiding as he walked to the door. She nearly breathed out a huge sigh of relief as he was about to step out of the cafe when they locked eyes.

Shit.

She saw the flashes of disbelief and recognition – and was that some joy she spotted? – in his ocean blue eyes and quickly hid behind the menu again, cursing under her breath.

"He saw me. Act normal," she hissed to Peyton.

"He?" Peyton inquired, sounding surprised – 99% of her fans were female –, but nodded regardless and hid behind the menu as well.

"Sharpay?"

Sheepishly lowering the menu, Sharpay offered the intruder her fakest, flashiest smile and mentally thanked herself for becoming an actress.

"Troy Bolton!"

Guilt washed over her as Peyton frowned and sent her a confused, accusatory glare, "Wait, you two know each other?"

Troy winced a little and rubbed his neck uncomfortably as he realised what was going on, "You were avoiding me."

Sharpay sighed and smiled sheepishly, "Sorry?"

"No, it's fine, I get it," Troy replied, much to both Sharpay and Peyton's surprise. He tilted his head and smiled a little.

"I mean, sore wounds and all that," he continued with an awkward chuckle, before extending his hand to Peyton, who grabbed it hesitantly.

"I'm so sorry for all of this. I'm Troy Bolton. Sharpay and I went to school together. You must be Peyton Leverett."

This made Sharpay, who had been watching the scene unravel before her eyes with embarrassment, perk up, "How do you know Peyton?"

Troy shot her a bright smile that made her want to wipe it off of his face, "Ryan talks about you a lot."

Oh, right. After Ryan had betrayed her that unfortunate summer between junior and senior year, he'd become an essential part of the Wildcats gang and he'd stayed friends with most of them after high school, while she had cut off all contact with the people who had taken everything that she'd ever valued from her.

It was a strange but pleasant surprise that Ryan talked about her to Troy, though. And she could definitely use this to her advantage.

Leaning back in her chair, she crossed her arms and gazed up at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"Really?"

"Yep."

Troy rubbed his neck again, a habit that she knew to be an indicator of discomfort, and his grin widened.

She took a moment to take in his appearance. He was still gorgeous as ever, she thought, as she let her eyes roam over his chiselled physique and inspect his face. His eyes were still the bright blue that made many girls, including herself, weak in the knees back in the day, and his lopsided grin was still as boyishly charming. He had aged, however. His freckles had disappeared, his jaw was more defined and his bangs were gone, his hair shorter and slicked back. Age had definitely served him well.

"So, you know that I'm a Broadway star, then?" she asked nonchalantly as she flipped her hair over her shoulder.

She ignored the roll of Peyton's eyes.

Troy noticed Peyton's annoyance, looking slightly agonized as he offered Sharpay a polite smile, "Yeah, I had heard! That's great. I'm really happy for you that everything worked out well for you."

A pause and a quick glance at Peyton.

"I should probably go, though," Troy continued with another neck rub, "I'm intruding."

Sharpay quickly shook her head, now realizing that a perfect opportunity had just presented itself for her to find out what all the Wildcats were up to now. Ryan never talked about them to her, aware that it was a touchy subject, and she was completely fine with pretending that the human puppy dog and the Einsteinette and their companions did not exist anymore.

She didn't care about them at all. They were her past and she was more interested in the future. However, there was curiosity that she couldn't quite shake and she hadn't known how to bring up the subject with Ryan, so she'd just wondered and wondered and wondered.

Would Troy and Gabriella finally have realised that their relationship was garbage and bitten the dust? Would Gabriella still be studying to become a lawyer while she was clearly more interested in science? Would Troy and Chad finally have faced the reality that they really were mediocre basketball players at best? How was shy, awkward Kelsi faring in the Big Apple? How was Taylor... Actually, she knew how Taylor was doing. Sharpay didn't talk to her, but as much as it pained her to admit it, Taylor and she were a lot alike and she knew that Taylor was acing whatever was coming her way.

But really, Sharpay just wanted to know how unsuccessful the rest of them were compared to her, so she could finally claim a win against the famed East High Wildcats.

"You're not intruding, Troy," Sharpay assured Troy in a sweet voice, "It's not every day you run into a friend from high school!"

An uneasy look crossed Troy's face when Sharpay called him a friend.

"I'm sure Peyton doesn't mind if you join us! Right, Pey?"

Peyton shot her a look that told her a point-blank no and she raised her eyebrows at him menacingly. Peyton just pursed his lips and they shared a quick glare before Peyton exhaled and closed his eyes, before giving Troy a friendly smile of his own.

"No, of course I don't mind!"

"No, no, you do," Troy said with a chuckle, "I know that manipulative stare of hers too well."

His words were teasing, but they were like an icy dagger to her heart and she shot him an apologetic look, which, she realised, was an apology for not only the current situation, but also for many other things she'd done in the past.

Troy nodded and smiled awkwardly, "Anyway, I should go. It was nice seeing you, Sharpay, and meeting you, Peyton."

Peyton's smile was genuine this time, "You, too."

Sharpay, on the other hand, was about to protest again, but before she could say anything, Troy was gone. Letting out a disappointed huff, she crossed her arms, feeling annoyed before she met Peyton's gaze across the table, his eyes filled with frustration and curiosity.

"What was that?"

She was not getting out of this one. No matter how much she put her talent to good use and came up with some elaborate excuse, he wouldn't believe her. He knew her too well.

She had to play innocent.

"What was what?" she answered nonchalantly, sipping her coffee.

"Are you serious right now?" Peyton asked, eyebrows raised and voice incredulous.

Maybe playing innocent wasn't the best tactic either. Still, she shrugged, waiting for him to continue.

"You just pretended that a guy you went to high school with was a fan in order to avoid him and then acted like you were best friends when he praised your Broadway career."

Okay, the situation _was_ a little strange and awkward, but she really didn't feel like explaining the story of Troy Bolton right now. But she also knew Peyton wouldn't back down.

Reluctantly, Sharpay sighed and rolled her eyes, "Troy and I, our history is... complicated."

"Did you date?" Peyton asked, his voice small and vulnerable.

She wished.

However, it did make sense why he would think that she and Troy had dated. They did behave like they were two ex-lovers who didn't end on a particularly good note running into each other, and she didn't know why, but the thought of someone thinking they had been together once made her feel a little happy inside.

But this someone was still her boyfriend and he was still hurt and she felt guilty, so she quickly shook her head.

"God, no. It's just that my high school experience wasn't the best and he was one of the main reasons why. He's a good guy, though, but we were stupid teenagers and we both made some bad choices."

Peyton just stared at her across the table for a minute, before nodding, accepting her explanation. Then, he narrowed his eyes.

"You know, you never really told me about your past except for the fact that you've always wanted to be an actress."

Oh, no. She really did not want to have this conversation right now. Her unfinished business with Troy was one thing, but her entire childhood? That was too much.

"Well, it's because I'm trying to get a fresh start and leave the old me behind," she squeaked with a phony laugh.

There was no way Peyton bought her excuse, but he still reached over the table to clasp his hand over hers. She had a searing urge to rip her hand away, but she tried to stay calm, knowing that the situation might otherwise escalate.

"I get it. High school is tough, it was for all of us."

Well, she doubted there was anything worse than her experience.

"And I also get it if you don't want to talk about it. But I'm willing to listen and I won't judge," Peyton continued and Sharpay nodded in response, a sudden lump forming in her throat.

Peyton just offered her a smile that made her heart skip a beat and her mind wonder what she did to deserve someone like him, "I love you, Shar."

Every time he said that, her heart fluttered and her body was filled with warmth. However, she rarely returned the words. She was still learning to love someone other than herself and she only used those three words when it felt appropriate, which wasn't often. And while this should have been a perfect occasion to return the sentiment, something about it didn't feel right. So, she gave the reply she always did, before lightening the mood by picking another blueberry from Peyton's muffin.

"Thanks."

* * *

That night, Sharpay received a voice message from an unfamiliar number. At first, she was tempted to ignore it – after all, many celebrities had been stalked by crazy fans before, which meant she had to change her number, which was fucking great – but a voice in the back of her mind told her to listen to it, that maybe it was important.

It was from Troy Bolton.

"Hey, Sharpay, this is Troy Bolton. I just wanted to apologise for this afternoon, I didn't mean to make things awkward for you and Peyton. But I'd like to see you again and catch up. I'm not going to be in NYC much longer, but I have some time Saturday. What do you say?"

Troy Bolton wanted to see her again.

She just stared at her phone as she replayed his words over and over in her head, eyes wide and her heartbeat fast and unsteady.

She didn't know what to say. Part of her revelled in his interest and definitely wanted to pry all the Wildcats gossip from him, but another part of her was wary. There were still so many problems that they hadn't solved, so many hostile feelings, so many scars.

Then another thought sprung to her mind. How did he even get her number?

Her eyes narrowed and with a huff, she left to the bathroom as not to disturb Peyton – he was already fast asleep at fucking 8pm –, angrily scrolling through her contacts.

Ryan.

"Did you give my phone number to Troy Bolton?" she barked through the phone.

"Hi, sis. I'm fine, thanks for asking!" Ryan quipped perkily and she let out a honest-to-god growl at his retort.

"Don't skirt around the issue!"

She heard footsteps and a sigh.

"Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Ryan murmured, more to himself than to her, "Look, you may not believe me, but Troy is a good guy and he was interested in making amends and I thought you would be, too."

"I am not," Sharpay hissed, "Do you not remember what he and his friends did to us, to me?"

"You know it was not his intention to hurt you. And you also know that it's time that you finally get over that grudge of yours."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"You live in New York and you have an amazing job and amazing friends, Sharpay. You have the life you've always wanted and you're still stuck on a group of people you didn't like in high school. You've won. You've succeeded, and it's time you let your desire for revenge go."

Damn, he was good.

"I do not care about them," she still replied meekly and both knew very well that it was a lie.

"I know you better than you know yourself, sis," Ryan replied with a chuckle, "Really, Troy means no harm. Just go and see what happens."

"I can't," Sharpay admitted, "I just... can't."

"Why not? You have nothing to lose."

Except her dignity and her sanity.

He was right, though. She had succeeded and no one was going to take her victories away from her. But the memory of Troy Bolton taking away her success over and over again still stung and she didn't know if she wanted to make amends with him.

Trying never hurt anyone, though.

"You're right," Sharpay admitted reluctantly, "Fine, I'll give it a try."

"Good," Ryan said, and she could hear the smile in his voice, "Anyway, I have to go, Ben and I are going to see a movie."

"Have fun!" Sharpay exclaimed, happy that her brother and his boyfriend were doing well, "But one more question."

She ignored Ryan's annoyed sigh.

"Why is Troy even in New York?"

"He's helping Kelsi with a new musical that she's writing. But I really have to go now. Bye!"

A click and he was gone.

Sharpay lowered the phone from her ear slowly. He was helping Kelsi. He'd always been close with Kelsi and she would never admit it out loud, but she had envied the small, mousy girl for it. She wanted the same undivided attention that he'd always given to Gabriella and Kelsi.

If she went to see him on Saturday, she would get that.

Climbing into bed next to Peyton, she sighed as she looked at her boyfriend. She felt guilty that she desired another man's attention this much, especially after Peyton had mistaken Troy for an ex-boyfriend.

She stroked his face tenderly and the smile she gave him was sad.

Peyton was everything she'd ever wanted and deserved, she thought. Troy Bolton was nothing.

But still, Ryan was right. It was time for closure. She had to try.

She looked back at her phone and bit her lip, just staring at her phone again for a while before she shook her head and texted a response.

 _What time and where?_

* * *

This is how Sharpay Evans ended up having a kind-of-but-not-really date with Troy Bolton in Central Park.

They had decided to meet up there on Saturday afternoon. Sharpay had not told Peyton about the meetup, which she felt guilty about, but she knew it was for the best to not raise any suspicions, because there was nothing going on between her and Troy. They were just old friends, if even that. She had thus come up with an excuse, telling Peyton that she was going to take a long walk with Boi.

The kind-of-but-not-really date was not going well so far.

When they had met up, they had exchanged a very awkward hug and some small talk about the weather, before a silence fell between them that was filled with the bustle around them and the clicking of her heels.

Maybe this was a mistake after all.

"So, how is Broadway treating you?" Troy broke the silence, gesturing to a bench. They sat down and Troy ruffled Boi's ears, the dog happily barking back and wagging his tail.

"It's good," Sharpay answered curtly, grateful that they were talking, but not really knowing what to say. She paused for a second and then sighed happily.

"It's everything I ever dreamt of and more."

Troy offered her a smile of his own, "That's so good to hear. I'm glad your dreams came true after all."

"I am, too," she agreed proudly with a smirk, ignoring the wistfulness and disbelief in his voice and eliciting a chuckle from her companion.

"I guess I'm going to have to come see the show, right?" he said with a cheeky lop-sided smile which made her insides heat up a little.

"But you said you're not going to be in New York much longer?"

Troy shrugged, staring off into space, "I'm sure I'll be back soon. I love it here. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love living in California, but there's just something about the atmosphere here."

And Kelsi would probably still need more help, Sharpay thought sourly.

"It is," she agreed with Troy's statement, "Everything is bigger and better here. It really is the city of dreams."

Then she smirked at him, "I hope you do realise I'm keeping you to this. Promise me I'll find you in the front row?"

Troy laughed as she held her hand out for him to shake, the sound rumbling low in his throat, and he gave her an affirmative handshake, a twinkle in his eyes, "Promise."

She ignored how warm his hand was and how the handshake lasted a second longer than probably necessary.

Instead, she gave a satisfied nod, happy that the ice was broken.

"So, how are you, Troy Bolton?"

Sharpay learnt that Troy was still happily studying at Berkeley and had decided that he wanted to become a teacher after he got his degree. This thought made Sharpay smile; Troy had definitely inherited that same sense of community and passion for teaching that his father had and Sharpay was sure that students would love him.

She also learnt that Troy had decided to drop out of college basketball – although not due to a lack of talent like Sharpay thought, but rather due to a lack of interest – but Chad had become one of the star players for the Redhawks. Chad had also shaved off his afro a few months into college – Troy had shown her a picture and she'd laughed so hard that they'd attracted the attention from some passer-bys, the knowing smile that an older woman sent her confusing Sharpay – and he and Taylor had broken up before she left for Yale and Taylor was, as expected, doing great.

Zeke was in culinary school and had plans to start a bakery and he apparently still asked Ryan about Sharpay a lot, which made her slightly uncomfortable, while Kelsi had come into her own at Juilliard and apparently loved New York City just as much as Sharpay did (yeah, right).

Sharpay tried to not read too much into the fact that Troy had not mentioned Gabriella once.

Sharpay, in turn, told him a slightly embellished, but mostly truthful account of her first month in New York and the drama that had occurred when Boi had been cast in _A Girl's Best Friend_ and Sharpay had been Amber-Lee Adams' personal assistant. Troy was amused but also impressed at how Sharpay had taken down Amber-Lee, nudging her while teasingly telling her that he was glad that she'd learnt how to use her powers for good. This made Sharpay simultaneously swell with pride and feel hurt at the implication.

"So, how's Kelsi's musical coming along?"

Troy, who was still wiping his tears from laughing hysterically at Sharpay's story of her first night in New York when she'd been locked in her closet, abruptly snapped his head to meet her gaze in confusion after she asked the question.

"I don't think I told you about that," he said questioningly.

Blushing and focusing her attention on Boi, petting him to hide her discomfort, Sharpay sheepishly admitted, "I called Ryan before I agreed to... this."

She still didn't know what this was exactly, but she was too afraid to ask.

Troy smiled, apparently understanding her wariness, "I have no ulterior motives if that's what you're worried about. I really only want to put the past behind us.

Taking a deep breath, she looked back up at Troy's mirthful eyes. He wanted to put the past behind them. It was now or never.

"Do you remember the summer between junior and senior year?"

Troy grimaced and rubbed his neck and she cursed herself for making things awkward again, "I sure do."

"I only wanted your attention because I thought we'd look good together, not because I actually liked you," Sharpay admitted, slight guilt in her voice, looking at the ground again as Troy hummed amusedly in response.

"I think I got that, yeah."

"But," she continued, gathering the courage to tell him the truth, "I ended up actually liking you. As a person."

Troy didn't reply, waiting for her to continue and she looked back up at him, maintaining eye-contact as she continued.

"You were the only person, besides Ryan, who had ever given me a second chance after I screwed up. You have no idea how much that meant to me."

This made Troy grin, his face lighting up, and she offered a small, sad smile in return.

"But then senior year happened and you not only competed with me for that stupid scholarship, but you also stood me up at the musical. I always blamed you for me not getting the scholarship."

Troy frowned, something akin to guilt written across his face, as he scratched his neck again.

"I never knew you felt that way," he replied quietly and now it was his turn to avoid eye-contact, "I'm sorry."

Boi let out a sad, whiney sound.

"I think it was not even the fact that you didn't show up, although that hurt, but it's that you stood me up for her."

She couldn't even say the name, because it felt dirty on her lips.

"I mean, I get that she was your girlfriend," she continued and Troy didn't correct the past tense, "but she left. She left everyone to pick up the pieces of her decision and still, she was worth more than I ever was. I mean, I _know_ I made a fair share of bad decisions, but no one would ever come after me."

She looked at him through her lashes, "Except you. And then you betrayed me."

Troy let out a sharp chuckle, his face tense, "I really am sorry. I know it doesn't justify it, but my life was falling apart and she... she was the only thing that I was sure of, that made sense."

He smiled wistfully, with a hint of sadness, and again, Sharpay noticed the use of the past tense.

"I know someone who would come after you, though," Troy said with a blinding beam on his face, her eyes and nose crinkling up adorably and something deep within Sharpay's heart and mind lit up.

Somehow, Peyton didn't compare to him right now. Not in the slightest.

"You're right," Sharpay agreed regardless, her cheeks tingeing pink, but not due to the thought of her boyfriend, "And I'm sorry, too."

"Apology accepted," Troy said, face and voice soft, the image and sound sending butterflies to her stomach, "Can I tell you something?"

Sharpay nodded eagerly and Troy leaned close to her, and she gasped quietly as she swore she could feel his breath on her face.

"Peyton's really great. When you find someone like that, you shouldn't let them go."

He's not as great as you, Sharpay thought.

"I know."

Troy moved away from her and she immediately felt the loss of his warmth. She let out a small giggle as both averted their gazes and she noticed it had begun snowing, something which greatly excited Boi, who was now barking enthusiastically.

A silence, a comfortable one this time, fell upon them and she took the opportunity to analyze his advice. Was he speaking from experience? Had he let Gabriella go?

"Troy Bolton."

Troy's voice snapped her from her thoughts and she looked back to him to see him extending his hand. Her gaze shifted from his face to his hand and back again a few times warily.

"Let's start over," Troy explained, extending his hand further and she let out a laugh, a rare completely exhilarated, genuine one, before putting her hand in his. His hand was still warm and the contact sent a spark down her arm. His grip tightened as it shook her hand and she wondered if he'd felt the spark, too.

"Sharpay Evans," she answered with another laugh.

Troy untangled their hands and held his arm up for a high-five. She giggled incredulously as she slapped her hand against his, feeling another spark, and he chuckled, and suddenly, neither could stop laughing.

And right there and then, on a Saturday afternoon in the snow in Central Park with Troy Bolton, giggling deliriously while her dog jumped at her feet, she felt a weight lift off of her shoulders.

She felt so happy, so relieved, and it was all because of this wonderful boy with the expressive blue eyes, the same wonderful boy who had given her a second chance she didn't deserve on that fateful summer night when she was seventeen.

And god, she liked him so much. She felt a fondness that she'd only felt once before – but she couldn't even remember when – and it was exhilarating. She wanted to stay in this moment forever.

Her gaze fell to his mouth. She noticed that a snowdrop had landed on his lips and in that moment, she acted on instinct, on impulse.

She kissed him.

* * *

 **A/N: Pro tip: do not trust Sharpay's judgment.**


	2. Two

**A/N: Okay, I feel a bit insecure about this part. I feel like I put the blame on Sharpay too much and that it was all solved too easily, but the entire point of this story is also that Troy is her "one that got away"/the ghost of her past who makes her reconsider some things, so I hope that I managed to do that, at least!**

 **Please leave a review if you can! I am very curious to hear other people's thoughts on this, as, like I've said in the note for the first part, this fic is very close to my heart. And of course, enjoy!**

 **P.S. Happy New Year in advance, everyone! I hope 2017 is better for you than 2016 was for a lot of us and I hope that you find your Troy (or Gabriella) tomorrow. ;)**

* * *

As her lips touched his, the only thing she could register was how soft his lips were. There were no butterflies, no explosions of fireworks, no chills down her spine, nothing. Just his lips and a bubble of bliss.

Wanting to stay in his state forever, she scooted closer to him and tried to wind her arms around his neck. She felt his hands grab hers as she raised them and she grinned into the kiss. He wanted her closer, too.

And in that moment, she realised with a content sigh, she at last had the two things she had most wanted back in high school. A job on Broadway and the guy that every girl swooned over. Finally, she had it all.

Vaguely, she registered that Troy was grabbing onto her wrists rather tightly and putting pressure on them. It was almost as if he was trying to push her away.

Her eyes flew open frantically as the bubble burst and she realised that Troy was indeed trying to push her away. Rapidly pulling away, she felt a painful pang in her chest as her hand flew to her mouth in horror, the tips of her fingers softly touching her swollen lips as she tried simultaneously to keep herself from crying and to revel in how good the kiss had felt.

But she couldn't revel in it. She couldn't lie to herself, she thought as they stared at each other wordlessly and she took in the look of shock and disbelief on Troy's face.

Troy didn't want her.

"What the hell?" Troy whispered hazily after a moment, his eyes wide and frightened and his voice laced with horror. But she couldn't feel bad for him. Not after he rejected her like that.

"I thought you wanted this, too," she replied, her voice high and unsteady and her statement sounding more like a question, as she searched his face for any signs that he had wanted it a little. There were none.

His next words broke her.

"Gabriella and I are engaged."

She wanted to scream, to slap him in the face, to throw a tantrum and yell at the sky and stomp away.

She couldn't. She was nailed to the ground, tears welling in her eyes and blurring her vision as she took deep breaths, staring at him in horror.

This couldn't be happening. Not again.

Troy wasn't interested in her. Troy was engaged to Gabriella. Gabriella had him.

As the realization dawned on her that she had lost to Gabriella Montez again, she felt a blush borne out of humiliation and anger rise to her cheeks. She shook her head and tutted thoughtfully as she regained her composure, a slow scowl growing on her face as Troy's eyes frantically searched her features for a response.

"Of course," she whispered, her voice dangerously cold, and she shook her head and let out a wry chuckle, "Of fucking course. It's always been her."

"Yeah, it has," Troy responded truthfully, his voice small and saturated with remorse and despite her predominant anger, she still felt a slight pang of sadness at his admission, which she covered up with an eye roll.

"Gabriella Montez has always been better than me," Sharpay continued bitterly and Troy just stared at her wordlessly, a guilt in his eyes that would have enchanted her five minutes ago. Now, his puppy dog eyes and his supposed guilt did nothing but increase her anger.

She knew the truth now. He didn't feel guilty for choosing Gabriella over her. She was never an option.

"I'm sorry, Sharpay," Troy said softly, gently, his voice almost a whisper, "I was scared how you'd react if I mentioned Gabriella, because I knew how you you feel about her, but that's stupid of me. I really didn't mean to lead you on."

"Well, you did," she snapped back with a vicious glare, before sighing and averting her gaze as she made a decision.

The time for second chances and new beginnings had passed. He had betrayed her and broken her heart again and she was done. And this time, it was for good.

"I have to go," she stated shortly, emotionlessly. Without waiting for a reply, she got up off of the bench, pulling a confused Boi with her as she walked away out of Troy Bolton's life, hopefully to never return again.

However, Troy had a different idea.

"Sharpay, wait!"

She should have ignored him. She should have kept walking, refused to turn around. But she didn't.

She didn't know what it was. Maybe it was just an instinct, maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was the desperation in his voice. Whatever it was, it made her stop in her tracks and turn around to face him.

Something had changed in his demeanour. Gone was the dishonest guilt and it was replaced by a mix of determination and frustration as he stormed towards her.

She remained silent as they glared at each other, Troy shaking his head in defeat as he sighed and uttered one exasperated word that finally set Sharpay off.

"Why?"

Sharpay narrowed her eyes at him even further as an irate blush rose to her cheeks, her body starting to tremble and her hands clenching into fists. Troy's eyes widened as his eyes trailed over her body, knowing the signs of an infamous Sharpay Evans tantrum, and if she wasn't so angry at him, she would delight in his discomfort.

However, the last remaining shred of her sanity and dignity told her to not completely lose it. She was better than that now.

"Unbelievable," she spat out viciously as she took a step towards him, Troy retreating as she approached, "I can't fucking believe you. You lead me on while you're engaged and you dare to ask _me_ why?!"

Her voice was rising with every word she uttered, although not quite reaching the level of a scream, and if her gaze wasn't so focused on Troy, she would have noticed people around them starting to look and Troy's eyes awkwardly and apologetically darting around the vicinity.

"And I am truly sorry for that and it _was_ stupid to not mention Gabriella. I already told you that," he replied, his tone surprisingly stable and almost stern, "But I don't get why you do this to yourself."

"Do what?" she shot back, breathing heavily, now standing only a few inches away from him, even though he was leaning away from her.

"Self-sabotage," he replied shortly, as if it was obvious, which made Sharpay scowl at him and attempt to take another step towards him menacingly.

"Are you trying to psychoanalyse me?" she snarled, crossing her arms over her chest as Troy gently took a step backward to create some distance between them.

Troy sighed, lifting his hand to lay it on her shoulder, but then changing his mind and lowering his hand to his side again, "I'm trying to help you."

Sharpay scoffed and opened her mouth to retort, but Troy continued his explanation before she could say anything.

"You have everything, Sharpay," Troy stated, his tone insistent and his eyes boring into hers, desperate to convince her.

He was lying, though. As long as he and his fiancée were haunting her, she could never have everything.

"You have your dream job, you live in your dream city, you have a great boyfriend. And still, you sabotage your own happiness. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

A great boyfriend. Peyton.

It finally dawned on her what she'd done. She had kissed a man who didn't want her and in the process betrayed the man who adored her and appreciated her and treated her like she deserved to be treated.

She had really, truly screwed up.

Suddenly, she felt light-headed and short of breath, a sharp pain arising in her stomach, her heart racing and a ringing in her ears. A strangled gasp was released from her throat as her hand flew to her chest, the world spinning around her.

Troy was right. She did self-sabotage her own happiness. She had come so far since high school, changed so much, become a better person, found love… and then she did this. Maybe she hadn't changed as much as she thought she did. Maybe she was still that young, stupid, selfish girl deep down. Maybe she didn't deserve someone like Peyton.

And if she still hadn't rid herself from her toxic behaviour now, would she ever be able to? Would she ever be truly happy?

That thought scared her.

Troy, however, didn't need to know that.

Finally regaining her composure, she felt Troy's eyes on hers, his gaze penetrating and saturated with concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked as she met his gaze uncomfortably, huffing out a deep breath in response.

"I'm fine."

Her voice was convincing to her own ears, but she could tell that Troy knew that she was not okay. He always knew. He wasn't supposed to, but he did.

So he frowned with worry and softly placed his hand on her upper arm to squeeze it reassuringly. His touch was warm, but it felt like ice was shooting through her veins as she jumped back.

"Don't touch me," she squealed irately and Troy's eyes widened in fear as she glowered at him angrily.

"Sharpay," he started, his tone despondent, but she cut him off before he could go on his inevitable dishonest tangent about how much he wanted to be her friend.

"Listen to me, Bolton," she hissed as she stepped closer to him again with a livid look in her eyes, "We're not friends. We'll never be friends. I don't need your help or to be saved from myself. You can go play romantic hero with Gabriella, not with me."

With every word, she jabbed a perfectly manicured finger into his chest, Troy wincing at the sting, but keeping his eyes locked with hers, trying to convince her that she was making a mistake.

She paused to look him over once more with disgust, before she met his gaze again, both of their faces tense.

"So, get out of my life," she continued, her voice dangerously low and steady, "I don't ever want to see you again. Goodbye, Troy."

And with that, she turned around and left Troy Bolton behind again.

And this time when he called for her to stop, she didn't turn around.

* * *

For someone who lied for a living, Sharpay was terrible at keeping secrets. At least, she was terrible at keeping secrets from Peyton.

When she had arrived home after the Troy debacle, Peyton wasn't home. Part of her was relieved he wasn't, because she couldn't face him right now, not with the guilt eating her alive, but she also really didn't want to be alone right now.

Being alone meant an opportunity to indulge in bad thoughts and she didn't really need that voice in the back of her mind telling her how horrible a person she was right now.

She sighed as she sat down on the floor desolately, while Boi barked happily and curled up on his little doggy bed.

Sharpay looked at her dog, a small, sad smile growing on her face.

At least she still had her baby.

"Boi," she cooed, the dog sitting straight up at hearing his name, but not moving from the comfort of his bed.

"Boi," she called again, "Come here."

Boi, however, just yawned, before turning around to face away from Sharpay, making her gasp indignantly and cross her arms grumpily.

"Oh, forget it," she said, pouting and glaring at the wall. She stayed like that for a while, before gently dropping down and staring up at the ceiling, pondering about what the hell had happened today.

How could she do something like this to Peyton? He had been so kind to her, he had believed in her when she didn't deserve it, he had made her feel like loved like nobody else could. And then she went around and stabbed him in the back.

Was this the kind of person she was? The person who would push away something so great that was right within her reach, just to have a single moment of glory that she knew wouldn't last? The person who always made the bad decision and hurt those around her?

And god, she had been so mean to Troy. Of course, her life choices were none of his business and his excuse for not mentioning Gabriella to her was bullshit, but she knew he truly meant well. And now, she ruined that, too.

Tears threatening to spill from her eyes, she realised that with one stupid rash decision, she had ruined everything. Again. And she would always ruin everything. No matter how much she tried to convince herself she'd grown past it, she would always be a force of destruction, to herself and to others.

Because that's who Sharpay Evans was. A force of self-destruction.

The creak of the door releasing her from her thoughts, she felt her stomach drop as the sound of footsteps neared.

Peyton was home.

"Hey, ba– What's wrong?"

Peyton immediately dropped his bag when he found her on the floor, scurrying over to her and dropping to his knees in front of her, his eyes filled with concern.

His concern and care was tenfold what Troy had shown her earlier and she so desperately wanted to make up a lie and say she was on her period or something, so she wouldn't have to hurt him.

But she was a force of self-destruction who couldn't keep a secret. So, the words were out of her mouth before she realised it.

"I kissed Troy."

Immediately, Peyton sat back, mouth slightly agape and his eyes frighteningly deficit of emotion. There was no emotion there, no anger, no horror, nothing. Just emptiness.

Sharpay watched him as he just stared off into space stoically, sitting still like a statue. If she didn't see his chest move as he breathed, she would be afraid he was dead.

He did look dead inside, though. Because of her. And his silence killed her.

"Say something," she uttered desperately after a minute or two of nothingness and Peyton blinked in response, finally shifting his legs as he met her eyes.

"What?"

His voice was hazy and his gaze now desperate, searching for an explanation that would make it better.

There wasn't.

Sharpay looked down and gulped, taking a deep breath before she elaborated, the words spilling from her mouth rapidly, "I met up with Troy this afternoon and I kissed him, but it was a mistake and it didn't mean anything and I'm sorry."

Peyton just shook his head incredulously, a deep frown on his face, and Sharpay wanted to cry at the thought that he looked so hurt because of her.

"Why?"

That was what Troy had asked, too. And she realised she had never answered him. She hadn't wanted to, afraid of revealing too much to him and showing him weakness. Maybe she _had_ shown him weakness in her misplaced anger, but she refused to let down her walls for him again. He wasn't worth it.

Peyton, however, _was_ worth it. He deserved an answer. She just didn't know if there was one.

"I… I don't know," she mumbled dejectedly, fondling with her hands in her lap as it became more difficult to hold back the tears, "I just don't know."

When Peyton didn't react, she continued, her voice louder, "Troy means nothing to me, though. You're the one I… care for."

Both knew what she really wanted to say, and both knew that she couldn't utter those words. Not right now.

Peyton laughed wryly, "You have a funny way of showing it."

"I know," she answered, her voice small. She hoped that he would appreciate her effort in taking responsibility for her actions, even if it was implicit.

"Do you, though?" Peyton asked, narrowing his eyes at her as the anger settled it, "Because it's not just about the fact that you lied to me about meeting up with him and cheated on me. It's because you don't trust me."

"I do trust you!" she retorted defensively, her sadness slowly morphing into a fury that mirrored his own, masking her hurt at him spelling out what she'd done exactly and at his accusation.

"Really? Because Troy obviously once meant something to you and you never told me about him. Or about anything about your past, for that matter. It's like you don't trust me to know about it."

"I told you, it's complicated," she replied icily, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly as Peyton rolled his eyes in annoyance, having heard this excuse many times before.

"Whatever it is, I won't judge you," he said, his face growing soft momentarily as he tried to convince her to open up to him.

However, she realised that he was right. She didn't entirely trust him not to judge her for her past mistakes. While she knew rationally that he actually wouldn't do that, she had been through too much to not be afraid of opening up.

"I don't tell you, because I don't want to be reminded of what happened," she spoke truthfully, before pursing her lips and glaring at him, "Believe it or not, not everything is about you."

"Well, everything _is_ about you, isn't it?" Peyton retorted quickly as his face tensed again and he returned her glare, getting up off the floor to tower over her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she responded with a raised voice as she, too, stood up. However, with his tall body shaking with anger, he was still intimidating to her.

"I love that pink hurricane inside of you," Peyton said with a sigh, Sharpay feeling guilty as she bitterly thought that Troy didn't, "But sometimes, I feel like our relationship is more about you than about me."

Sharpay bit her lip, the sadness returning as she realised it was true and that it was her fault. That was why she was so self-destructive. She thought so much about herself that she couldn't see the bigger picture. She decided that was something she still needed to work on, but she also knew that it was not enough to fix this right now.

So, they just stared at each for a moment, tears welling in Peyton's eyes that made Sharpay want to curl up in a corner and never show her face to the world again, and then he shook his head.

"I'm going to go," he said quietly, "I need to be alone tonight."

Tonight. She inwardly breathed a sigh of relief when she realised that he wasn't breaking up with her, at least.

Knowing this was for the best, she nodded and wrapped her arms around herself as Peyton picked up his bag and shuffled to the door, quickly petting Boi, who had been watching them argue, in the process.

She found her voice as the door creaked open.

"Peyton?" she called and Peyton turned around desolately, raising his eyebrows as he waited for her to continue.

"Do you still love me?" she asked quietly, her voice barely audible as she feared his answer.

"Yes," he affirmed within a split second, his answer honest and solid, "But I need some space right now."

And with that, he was gone, the door shutting behind him with a bang.

Sharpay gulped and slid to the floor again, Boi immediately running over to her and curling up in her lap with a sad whine.

Sharpay, however, didn't respond, her eyes still fixated on the closed door as she felt herself getting emotional again.

"I love you, too," she whispered as she pulled Boi close to her with trembling hands.

And then, she cried.

* * *

From that day on, Sharpay decided to start working on her selfishness. She knew that she had come a long way already, but there was also still a long way to go.

The next day when Peyton returned, she told him. She told him about everything that had happened, from Gabriella's arrival to the breaking of status quo to the faithful summer at Lava Springs and Ryan's betrayal to the spring musicale and how Jimmie Zara had humiliated her.

Peyton never judged her. He just sat and listened. He understood. And that was a bigger relief than she realised.

And after that night, she paid more attention to him and didn't centre their relationship around her and that was a relief for him.

And as she and Peyton solved their problems, Troy was pushed to the back of her mind.

However, she should have known that he would always haunt her.

Because one fateful night, as she got on stage to belt out the opening song to _A Girl's Best Friend_ , she spotted a pair of piercing blue eyes in the audience.

For a split second, she felt dizzy and she lost her voice and forgot her lines, but as the familiar face nodded at her kindly, she found her composure and pulled through to give one of the best performances of her life while pushing the reality of this situation to the back of her mind.

Troy Bolton was in the audience.

During the intermission, Sharpay hurried to Roger, who was backstage as Countess was performing in the show tonight (she silently cursed the schedule for not allowing Troy to see Boi shine on stage) and grabbed his arm tightly, digging her nails into the fabric of his blazer.

"I need you to do me a favour," she told him frantically as she pulled him with her to the drawn curtains to peek through them.

"Do you see that guy in the front row?" she pointed Troy out him and Roger nodded as Sharpay turned to him with a penetrating gaze, "I need you to get him to my dressing room after the show."

Roger creased his eyebrows in confusion, "Why?"

That loaded question again.

Sharpay bit her lip as she considered what to tell Roger. Sure, she liked Roger, and she was trying to be more open to those around her, but still, the story of her and Troy Bolton didn't seem to be any of Roger's business.

"He's an old friend," she explained after a moment and Roger nodded in understanding, asking no further questions as he scurried off into the theatre.

Left alone on stage, Sharpay took a deep breath, a heavy feeling settling in her chest as she realised just how much weight that classification of their relationship held.

The heavy feeling didn't dissipate during the second act. In fact, it moved into her stomach, which jumped every time she accidentally locked eyes with Troy, until she finally felt like she was going to vomit as she sat alone in her dressing room after the show finished, waiting for him to come find her.

If he even wanted to find her. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to speak to her, honestly.

But then again, he did come to her show. Why was he here? Why did she decide to get him to her dressing room? What would he say? What should she say?

Oh god, she couldn't do this.

Before she could give into her anxiety and flee the dressing room to find Roger and ask him to fix her mess, she saw a tall frame appear behind her in the mirror.

Gulping as she saw flashes of a memory of a summer night back in Albuquerque before her eyes, she just stared at him through the mirror and tried not to lose her cool.

Troy just watched her, silent and motionless, for a while, before a friendly yet hesitant grin grew on his face.

"Hi."

She mustered a small smile in return.

"Hey."

Another silence.

Feeling discomfort due to Troy's intense stare, Sharpay started to fidget in her chair as she tried to muster up the courage to say something, anything.

"Why are you here?"

It was out before she realised it and she cringed a little at her accusatory tone. Troy looked down uneasily for a split second, before chuckling and meeting her gaze again, his eyes twinkling.

"I promised you I'd come, didn't I?"

"Well, you've promised me things before and look how that turned out."

Troy didn't even wince now like he had when she brought it up a couple of months before, offering her an amused smirk instead.

"Well, I did honour that promise, if I remember correctly."

Sharpay huffed quietly, wondering why she was suddenly so irritated with him. He was right. He _had_ left her to fend for herself when the spring musicale came around, but he had also still given her the benefit of the doubt the summer before. That's what made her like him in the first place.

Staring at him, she realised just how scared she really was. And she knew there was no reason to be.

She sighed and got up to face him, fidgeting with her hands as she apologized quietly, "Sorry. I just didn't expect it after… after…"

"After I accidently led you on and you kissed me and then went off on me?" Troy said bluntly, surprisingly not sounding upset. He took a hesitant step closer to her and she couldn't help but tense a little, but she willed herself to not back away from him.

"It's okay."

Sharpay blinked in shock and then furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"What?"

Troy let out a soft laugh as he reached for her arm, his hand not landing on her flesh but rather hovering close to it. She could feel the warmth radiate from him, but contrary to that afternoon months ago, she did not feel a spark or a giddy rush at his vicinity.

"I mean, it's not okay," Troy continued with a small smile, "But it's not okay for _you_. I'm not mad at you. After all, it was definitely my fault, too. But it does hurt me to see you hurt yourself."

Sharpay huffed at his admission of guilt and narrowed her eyes at him, quickly glancing down at the hand that was still close to her wrist and wondering if she should swat it away.

"Are you trying to psychoanalyse me again?" she snapped, but there was no genuine anger in her voice, even if she was a little irritated.

He had good intentions, though. And apparently, he still wanted to be her friend.

Briefly, she considered them hanging out in her favourite café, enjoying each other's company as genuine friends, and bickering good-naturedly about his unnecessary advice.

She realised she would not be entirely against this idea. And maybe the time for second chances hadn't passed.

Troy withdrew his hand from her personal space and brought it up to rub his neck as he chuckled, "Maybe?"

"You should have become a psychologist," she retorted drily and Troy chuckled and rubbed his neck again, before shoving his hands in his pockets and directing his gaze to the ground as he hummed in response.

Sharpay watched him for a second, gathering up the courage to say what she wanted, no, _needed_ to say.

"You were… You were…"

Troy looked back up at her, his eyebrows furrowed with confusion as he watched her intensely, waiting for her to finish her sentence.

After another moment of stumbling over her words, Sharpay sighed dejectedly and threw her hands in the air with exasperation.

"You were right."

Troy raised his eyebrows and Sharpay shot him a quick glare, before directing her gaze to her lap, not wanting to him to see the vulnerability in her eyes.

"You were right," she repeated, now sounding small and broken like she had felt that day months ago, "I do self-sabotage. And the worst part is, I don't even know why."

"And while you did lead me on," she continued, pausing for effect and giving him a pointed look, but ignoring the guilty sound Troy let out as her gaze returned to her lap, "I messed up and I shouldn't have put the sole blame on you. So I'm sorry."

Before Troy could respond – she didn't know how she wanted him to respond to her apology, truthfully –, she repeated her question from earlier as she stood up to face him again, still curious about his answer, "Why are you here? And why are you being so nice? If the roles were reversed, I would have wanted to never see you again."

"You did never want to see me again," Troy reminded her, shrugging as Sharpay bit her lip embarrassedly, "And that's where we differ. I always try to see the good in people, even if I should know better. I guess that's my way of self-sabotaging."

Sharpay felt her breath hitch. Did he see them being friends as being self-sabotage? Had she misread the situation again?

"I guess I was hoping that the third time would be the charm?" Troy mumbled before her walls could go up again. He rubbed his neck again, watching her carefully through his eyelashes, the look on face revealing his insecurity.

Now convinced that Troy didn't think of them as a mistake, Sharpay saw more flashes before her eyes of a friendship with Troy. This time, she saw meetups in Central Park that didn't end in disaster and long phone calls and e-mails, telling each other about how life was treating them.

Truth to be told, she liked the idea more than she was willing to admit. But she also knew what had happened between them and what she had done and she knew that it would be hard to get past it all, even if Troy pretended it wasn't.

Most of all, she really didn't want to screw up again. And she was terrified that she would. Because even if she was trying and even if Troy was so forgiving, she knew that she had a long way to go.

She knew it would be stupid to let this opportunity go to waste, but her caution was still holding her back.

Troy, taking Sharpay's silence as she contemplated their possible friendship as a bad sign, suddenly spoke up again, snapping her from her thoughts.

"You know, I'm really proud of you."

Sharpay glared at him confusedly, "For what?"

Troy grinned charmingly, "If what happened a few months ago happened in high school, you never would have apologized to me or even considered being civil. And look at us now."

Sharpay almost wanted to roll her eyes. How did he know exactly what she was thinking?

However, she also knew what _he_ was doing. He was trying to convince her that there was no reason to be cautious, that she had, indeed, changed, even if she was scared she hadn't. He was showing her trust. He was telling her to trust him.

And she did.

Weak to his expressive blue eyes and kind aura, she made a decision.

She had to grab the opportunity that had presented itself.

She held out her hand and smirked as Troy watched back and forth between her hand and her brown eyes.

"Sharpay Evans," she stated with a raised eyebrow and Troy let out a loud laugh as he realised she was imitating the same gesture he had made that cold December day in Central Park before it all went to hell.

He placed his large, warm hand in hers and winked cheekily as they shook hands, "Troy Bolton."

She was about to let her own exhilarated laugh when she pulled her hand back, before she noticed something glistening on his left hand.

Her breath hitched and she paled and gulped as she realised what it was.

A wedding band.

"Congratulations," she choked out weakly, gesturing to the ring and offering him a smile, although it didn't quite reach her eyes, "I'm really happy for you."

Troy bit his lip awkwardly and ran his hand through his hair, before looking down at his hand and twirling the ring around his finger with a lopsided grin.

His grin grew and she couldn't help but smile at the genuine, infectious happiness in his eyes, although she wasn't sure whether he was so happy because of his wife or because he knew how hard it was for Sharpay to be happy for him and Gabriella. Maybe it was both.

"Hey, do you want to grab lunch this weekend when I'm still in New York?"

Sharpay briefly wondered whether he was in town to help Kelsi again, but she quickly realised it didn't matter and then nodded enthusiastically.

"I'd love that."

Troy beamed and nodded, before sighing as he checked his watch.

"I have to go," he said, sounding pained and like he didn't want to leave. Although she was disappointed herself, Sharpay nodded in understanding.

"I have to go soon, too."

Troy nodded and sighed, before pulling her in for a warm hug that made her want more. And she would get more, she knew.

"I'll text you soon," he said and Sharpay nodded and they shared a wave, before he exited and she turned back to her mirror, taking note of the excited blush on her cheeks.

"Hey, Sharpay?"

Sharpay turned back to see Troy standing in the door opening with a cheeky grin and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Toodles," he said with a wink and she snorted and giggled, waving at him as he disappeared again.

"Toodles!"

Not two minutes later, she received a text from him.

 _Can't wait to see you Saturday :)_

She grinned as she sent a text back, warmth spreading through her veins.

 _Me neither!_

While ridding herself off her costume and make-up and then making the walk home with a skip in her step, she felt a giddy, light feeling in her chest. And as her apartment building loomed in her vision, she realised why she felt so happy.

She was leaving a Broadway theatre, where she had her dream job, to come home to Peyton, her dream boyfriend, in her dream city, feeling hopeful due to the prospect of a friendship with Troy Bolton, the dream and ghost of her past.

The third time had indeed been the charm. It had given her closure.

And she finally _really_ had it all.


End file.
